Black Coffee
by Just-kimian
Summary: Makoto seems to have a biological rule which brings nothing but despair in his life. He always falls in love first. Sosuke on the other hand, has the memory of his oldest love which he can't let go. When Sosuke runs after an ex-lover while on a date, both are forced to reconsider their relationship and the fact that the pain buried in their hearts remains intact after all this time
1. Unrequited Love I

**Author's note: **Ok...I am seriously stalling my other stories -.- but I can't write anything else unless I get this one out of my chest. So I will do it no matter what! Anyway, this story is intended to be somewhat short. I planned to make it only three chapters, but seeing I was writing A LOT, I decided to cut it in chunks. So it will look like a long story, but compared to the other stuff I've written so far...the chapters are less reading with more straightforwardness.

This is an AU that does not follow the Free timeline in any way, the setting doesn't matter much in this story anyway. It is yaoi, though I think that's obvious. There will be four parts to this story: Unrequited Love, Tainted Love, Indelible Love and True Love

The main pairing is Sosuke and Makoto. There is some Sosuke and Rin love in this story ;) and implied Makoto and Haru.

It is a pretty sexual fic, so if lemons bother you, then I don't think you should read (though I won't be adding too many sex scenes...). There's also dark themes like depression, which might not be everyone's cup of tea. You have been warned.

I apologize for adding the author's note here, normally I add them after each chapter, but I have no intention of adding many author notes, so I'm probably just going to put this one and another one at the end of the story (or wherever deemed necessary).

**Disclaimer:** Free! Iwatobi Swim Club does not belong to me in any way.

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><p>Part One: Unrequited Love-Makoto<p>

* * *

><p>"Hey do you see that guy right there?" A woman spoke quietly a few tables away. From her tone, Makoto Tachibana knew she was talking about him.<p>

"Yeah, what about him?" Her female companion asked, not very good at keeping her voice down.

"I don't want to sound like a creep, but he's been sitting there since we got here. Didn't you notice?"

"Now that you mention it, didn't we get here around 9?" The other replied.

"Yeah, there's a coffee and pastry right in front of him. Makes me wonder what's taking the other person so long. "

"Who knows?" The other woman replied. And then they resumed doing whatever they were doing, not touching the subject again.

Makoto wasn't particularly bothered by their conversation. Although he did wonder how long he had been sitting there waiting. He looked up a clock hanging on the wall.

It was 11 o'clock.

It was officially three hours since Sosuke had left him stranded in that coffee shop. He wasn't sure why he remained there, almost glued to the cushioned wooden chair. For the most part, he simply stared outside the window, although he couldn't see much in the darkness. All he could see was a lamppost providing light on a single spot, from there, Makoto could spot the specs of snow as they slowly made their way to the ground, joining the other specs which mounted to pure white piles of snow. For once, he looked across the table and saw Sosuke's coffee was still almost filled to the rim, his pastry neatly placed on a napkin.

It only had one bite.

His coffee was black, just how he liked it. After all this time, Makoto was still not done with his. This was the longest time he took to drink his own cup of coffee. This would probably the first and the last, he hoped, glancing at the light brown liquid in his cup which had already gone cold. He stared at the snow piling outside the window. He felt a little strange. The past three hours, he hadn't been thinking about anything. No that wasn't quite true. When Sosuke had left, he had panicked for a little while. He panicked and thought of what he could do. Should he run after him? Should he call him? Should he go home? What was the right thing to do in this situation? What should you do when your boyfriend has left you stranded in a cafe...while pursuing another man? Alas, the questions ricocheted inside his brain like bullets. In the end, he couldn't find it in himself to move from that chair. The reasons were unknown to him. He just...sat there. And eventually, his thoughts reduced to nothingness. But now, three hours later, he wondered what Sosuke must've been doing. Wrong again. He knew what he was doing.

He was having sex with Rin.

The realization made Makoto's chest hurt. It was a pain mere words could not describe. He didn't understand how people could feel like this while being surrounded by a crowd of people completely oblivious to the pain in his heart. In a way, he was relieved by that. The world would be a sad place if everyone could feel each other's emotions. He guessed only a few people were doomed to feel that pain, since he had only met a few people highly sensitive to other people's emotions. He sighed. _Why...am I still here?_

The waitress passed by and kindly asked if he would like her to reheat his coffee. Makoto smiled kindly and accepted her offer, sensing her concern. When she departed with his cup, Makoto sighed once more, looking up at the clock again. It was 11:09 pm. One hour until the cafe closed.

It was supposed to be a date.

A brief date. Nothing more, nothing less. Both were looking forward to it so much, since they loved the coffee and the pastries of this shop. And it wasn't too far from home either, so it was even better. Three hours ago, Makoto had been smiling and talking unceasingly. And the taller boy listened to everything he had to say, giving him a warm smile of his own. It was subtle, but it was there. His small honest smile, and his bright teal eyes when he listened were enough to drive Makoto to the clouds.

Everything would've been great. They would go on a date. Makoto would order a vanilla espresso with a banana nut muffin. Sosuke would order a coffee-all black-and he would get a braided pastry with dark chocolate glossing on top. Makoto knew it because he always picked that combo. He never deviated from his choices, which, in its own way, made Makoto fall deeper and deeper in love with this man. That night should've been simple. It should've been the night of his life. They would've ordered their "dinner". They would've chatted even if Sosuke was not particularly fond of talking. They would joke around and laugh lightheartedly. Then they would go home and make love as if nothing in the world existed but them...between the sheets.

But…

* * *

><p>Sosuke always chose simple colors to wear. Tonight he was wearing a dark olive green jacket. Around his neck hung a dull orange scarf that Makoto had bought for him last Christmas. Makoto watched as he removed his dark, sienna-colored gloves, folding the inside each other like pairing socks after doing the laundry and stuck them inside his pocket. He removed his dull orange hat, which came as a set with the scarf, and shook off the lingering snow. Makoto found himself smiling when he revealed his disheveled ebony hair. At that moment, the other man's teal eyes noticed him and he asked suspiciously, "What's so funny?"<p>

Makoto folded his hands, his elbows resting on the chair, and rested his chin on his folder hands. "Nothing," He said dreamily, teasing his curiosity and only continued to smile.

Sosuke brushed it off with a simple "hmph" and folded the hat, placing it inside his other pocket.

The waitress arrived and requested their order. Before Makoto could speak up, Sosuke beat him to it and said, "I'll take a black coffee and a braided pastry."

"Dark chocolate?"

"Yes."

The waitress smiled. She then looked at Makoto. "And how about…?"

But before she could ask, Sosuke spoke up again. How unusual of him. "He'll have a vanilla flavored espresso with a banana nut muffin."

The waitress looked at Makoto questioningly. Makoto nearly chuckled. Instead he nodded, unsuccessfully hiding his smile.

After she left, Makoto cried, "No way! How did you know?"

At that, Sosuke cocked an eyebrow and flashed a hardly victorious grin. "You always order that muffin on Thursdays," he said, "and you get the vanilla espresso at any chance you get."

"Wow, you've noticed," Makoto replied, feeling excited. Now more than anything, he couldn't wait to get home and make love to him. Tonight he would make sure he got the best treatment. Makoto tightened his knees just imagining it. After all, he wasn't as consistent about his tastes the way Sosuke was.

Sosuke chuckled, "Did you think otherwise? You don't give me enough credit, you know."

Makoto laughed and replied, "I guess that's true, huh? My bad, my bad."

Sosuke smiled back but it soon turned into a neutral line, "but you know, it took me long enough. We've been dating for almost a year and a half. You knew my tastes within a few _weeks _ and it took me almost two years for me to catch on. I'm...sorry."

Makoto smiled tenderly at him. "Don't worry," he said, brushing off his seriousness, "My interests change a lot you know. So I'm not surprised it was hard for you to keep up. If anything, I'm shocked you remembered within two years!"

At that the two burst out a controlled laughter, not wanting to interrupt the other customers. The waitress soon returned with their order and neatly placed them in front of the two men. After she left, Sosuke took a sip of his coffee, which was filled to the rim and, unsurprisingly, the dark liquid was hot enough to burn his tongue. Sosuke cringed and nearly spat out the coffee. Makoto found himself laughing at the other man, seeing him uncomposed like that proved to be a hilarious sight for Makoto. He had seen plenty of this side of Sosuke.

Whenever it was his turn to cook breakfast and the eggs would burn, he immediately became fidgety, wondering what to do with it. Another time, when he and Makoto went ice skating on an ice skating brink, he immediately fell and had the most hilarious expression on his face that Makoto couldn't control himself. The boy always pouted, but in the end, he never became angry over those things. If anything, he probably seemed less tense and uptight. The flustered look in his face was subtle, but Makoto could see it, and if he had to describe it in one word, he would say it was vulnerable. If he had to compare it to something else, he would say he looked like a lost child in the body of a grown man. It was a rare sight.

"Don't laugh, idiot," Sosuke retorted at the green-eyed boy, "it burns, you know!"

That didn't stop Makoto from laughing, however. "I'm sorry!" He said between laughs, not making any effort to stop at all, "It's just...haha...ha...hah…." His smile suddenly began to fade when he felt a familiar sensation on his thigh. And right away, the blood began to rush to his cheeks. He knew exactly what was going on. Sosuke's hand was resting on his thigh. Makoto looked up and saw the teal-eyed boy flash a highly suggestive grin at him.

That's right.

The tables by the window were very small. Their knees were even touching. This wasn't the first time he did this, but here he was, feeling up Makoto's thigh with his thick, long fingers. He felt at the fibers of his pants, the energy passing through those fibers and immediately reaching his sensitive skin. "Oi, Sosuke...not here…" Makoto said quietly, worriedly. He felt the blood boil on his cheeks as the man before him felt him up, enjoying every second of it. Watching _him_ as he tried to deny that he was enjoying every second of it.

But the other boy only teased him more. "I'm sorry," Sosuke said teasingly, "I don't understand what you mean. Could you be more specific?" His fingers then slid to his inner thigh, which was more sensitive than most of the other parts of his body.

Makoto looked around. Hopefully no one was noticing this. "Oi, Sosuke…" he warned and then he burst out laughing, "Hahaha! Stop it! What are you doing?!"

The other boy grinned merrily as he tickled Makoto's knees. Makoto's laugh was loud enough to cause some people to turn their heads. When he had enough, Sosuke removed his hand and smirked mischievously. "Now we're even," he announced.

Makoto, still trying to control his laughter said between laughs, "That was cruel you know! You embarrassed me in front of these people!"

Sosuke arched an eyebrow. "Oh?" He stated as-a-matter-of-factly, "And who was blushing and enjoying it when he could've just scooted his chair backwards?"

"You didn't have to go that far though," Makoto replied, making a pouting face, although he wasn't annoyed at all.

It was silent for a bit. Sosuke grabbed his pastry and raised it in front of Makoto's face. Makoto looked at him quizzically. Sosuke simply held the pastry in the air and told Makoto, "Here, have a bite and we'll call it a truce. How about it?" Sosuke unknowingly made a pouting face.

Makoto chuckled. He was so...adorable. Makoto knew better than anyone that he didn't like sharing his favorite pastry with anyone. He was no exception. To see him do this for Makoto was enough to make him want to embrace him right then and there. Makoto took a bite of that pastry, never looking away from the other boy's eyes. He flashed him the most suggestive look he could muster. His eyes said it all as he took that bite.

_I want you_.

Sosuke must've read his mind, because almost immediately his pupils dilated and his chest stopped heaving for a second. Makoto smiled at him and took a sip of his own coffee, enjoying the reaction he got from his boyfriend. Sosuke was about to say something but Makoto never heard what he was going to say. The other boy looked outside the window and his clear eyes went still.

His entire being went still.

Makoto saw it in his eyes. His peaceful, smiling face became distorted with tension and despair. His body became completely tense too, his hand clutching at the coffee, which was still almost full. Makoto ventured to look, his eyes widening when he saw what he was looking at. It was a young man, standing outside the window next to their table. He was lightly clothed and his skin was pale blue from the coldness. On his hand, he held a large bottle of liquor. Makoto saw how tightly he gripped the bottle, since his knuckles had turned white. His wine-red colored hair and eyes were disheveled. It was a pitiful sight. Makoto had seen this man in various photos. He didn't ask much about him to Sosuke. But he knew exactly what he was to him. He was his first boyfriend. The person he had dated for six years. Makoto had only asked one question. Just one.

"What's his name?" He had asked Sosuke once.

At first, Sosuke tried to deny him even that little bit of information. But eventually he gave in.

"Rin. Rin Matsuoka."

This was the first time Makoto was looking at him face to face. He stared back at them, just as tense as the two boys. Perhaps even more. Makoto could see him clearly even in the darkness. His red-rimmed eyes were puffy. His mouth agape, revealing sharp teeth that would've seemed dangerous were he not in such a pitiful state. Makoto could see the twinkle in his eyes which were filled with nothing but sadness. Makoto then looked at Sosuke, whose eyes...returned the same sentiment.

It was then that the crimson-haired boy took off running, soon lost in the darkness. But Makoto felt strangely uncomfortable. He felt a sense of premonition. He looked at Sosuke, who seemed to be in a trance. "Sosu…" Makoto began to say.

But the other man noisily pushed his chair back and took off running out of there, stirring some attention in the coffee shop.

"Sosuke!" Makoto yelled after him, but remained in his seat, watching from the window as his boyfriend forced on the gloves and the hat he gave him last Christmas. Watching him run after another man. Watching him _not_ glance back even once at the coffee shop, his sprints determined to catch the other. It felt as if he had been watching some tv show from this window. But in the end, Makoto knew this wasn't a television series.

This was reality.

All he was left with was a crowd of people staring at him, eventually returning about their business when the tension slowly faded.

* * *

><p>And now, almost four hours later, he was still there. Waiting.<p>

The shop was almost empty, save for a few people who were there. But none of the people who had been there earlier remained. They had all left and had been replaced by the few people who were going about their business. Makoto sighed deeply and looked at the clock hanging from the wall.

It was 11:16. Almost midnight.

The black coffee and the bitten pastry was still prostrate in front of him, with no one sitting on the chair. And suddenly, Makoto felt oddly cold. Perhaps the breeze that came in as Sosuke had opened the door was the cause of it. But more than the physical coldness, he felt cold...emotionally. He didn't know how to describe this sensation. But if he had to summarize it, it was a sensation one feels when they have lost to someone better than them.

Makoto had tasted this mild feeling plenty of times in his life. Like when he got one of the highest scores in a geometry test back in high school but was nowhere near the top student in his class. Or when he did joint practices with other swim teams and had to reconcile that he wasn't at the level of the other backstroke competitors. Never once did he think that the taste of this feeling could be so bitter and powerful.

That was, of course, until he fell in love with a certain boy. He remembered him so well to this day. He was shorter than he was, with cerulean eyes bluer than a clear sky or sea. Hair darker than a starless night. His personality so independent and standoffish toward strangers that if it were a color, Makoto guessed it would be gray with a tinge of blue.

Haruka Nanase.

That was the name of the man he had loved.

But he was also the man that never loved him back.

Makoto knew he should've never expected anything out of that boy but friendship. It was clear from the beginning that Haru would never see him as anything more than a childhood friend. It didn't matter how long he waited, or how much he tried to get that boy to return his feelings. The truth was, it had been hopeless to begin with.

Makoto still remembered that day. Even though the memory had begun to fade for the past two years or so, tonight Makoto remembered it so clearly that these past months felt like a lie. He had only pushed the memories in the back of his mind, not forgetting them even if he wanted to. He didn't notice that the waitress had returned with his warmed coffee and set it on his table.

"Here you go, sweetheart," she said sympathetically.

Makoto smiled kindly at her. "Thank you," he replied genuinely.

She smiled back, a tinge of sadness in her eyes. She then said timidly, "Um...don't you worry. I'm sure he'll be back soon. Hopefully before the shop closes." She was trying to lighten up the situation.

In truth, Makoto was thankful for that. He flashed a sad smile at her and stated, "I hope so too. I mean, three hours might be too early."

The two allowed a small laugh to seep past their lips. But it didn't last long. The waitress reassuringly told Makoto she would be around if he needed anything else. Makoto thanked her kindly, his smile becoming a fine neutral line the further she walked away from him. Slowly his dark thoughts began to resurface and he began to think.

_Haru wasn't a big fan of coffee, was he?_ He thought, looking down at his espresso.

He brought the cup to his mouth and had a taste of the reheated coffee. It was tasteless and the vanilla extract was hardly there. It only tasted good when Sosuke was there. The logic made no sense at all and Makoto found himself chuckling. _Why am I like this?_ He wondered.

But he knew.

His problem was so simple that asking himself that question was nothing but redundant. He had fallen in love first. That was his problem. When it came to the matters of love, he was always the first to fall in love. That was his downfall. That was his flaw. He thought of Haru again, remembering the time he had finally been ready to confess to him.


	2. Unrequited Love II

He had been slightly drunk. That was the truth.

It was Makoto's first year in college with Haru and although they had been skeptical initially, they decided to join a fraternity. Inevitably, they were often asked to attend college parties. Frankly, Makoto knew that Haru wasn't fond of partying or any form of loudness. He wasn't much of an enthusiast either, but for some reason, he felt like attending this time. It took him a lot of effort, but he finally convinced Haru to come along. But he wasn't pleased at all.

"You know," Makoto spoke as he drove, struggling to find an empty space to park the car, "You don't have to look so angry." He felt guilty about dragging Haru with him, but it wasn't like he had forced him or anything.

Still, the other boy looked more annoyed than usual. He was like this nowadays. Makoto couldn't understand what was going through the other boy's head. He thought that he was helping him out in some way, but now Haru looked more irritated than ever.

"I'm not angry," Haru replied indignantly. Clearly, he was in a bad mood.

"But...you are!" Makoto retorted, "I just want you to have fun once in a while. Don't you think that maybe you'll forget your troubles if you talk to more people?"

Haru narrowed his eyes and crudely stated, "No."

Makoto sighed frustrated, finally finding a good spot to park his car.

Inside the house, Makoto was greeted by the frat boys. They would've greeted Haru if he hadn't looked so sullen. Instead they told him merrily, "Don't fret, lad. Just forget your troubles for tonight. Here, have drink!"

Haru took the drink out of politeness. But Makoto could see that he didn't want the drink nor their so-called sympathies. Makoto sighed and told Haru, "Please, just relax. I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun if you put your mind to it."

Haru shook his head. "Clearly, you don't understand," Haru replied bitterly, taking a sip of the beer.

Understand what? Makoto wanted to ask. And he did. "I won't understand unless you tell me!" He retorted, almost hissing.

"Why would you drag me here when you know I don't like this kind of thing?" Haru dodged the question instead, "I feel like I'm suffocating."

Makoto was beginning to lose his patience. "I already told you!" His voice shook as he said that, "It's for your own good."

Haru simply narrowed his eyes at him and glowered. He turned around and said, "I'll be next to the pool if you need me."

"Wait, Haru!" Makoto called after the other boy. But the raven-haired boy did not even look back.

Makoto sighed frustrated. This wasn't how he wanted to spend time with Haru. He loved him so much. But whenever he acted like this, even he felt like he was losing it and during those times, he wanted to raise his voice. But he didn't. He tried to understand Haru and his feelings because he wanted to accept them. To accept him. He wouldn't allow his own dark feelings betray how he felt for him. But even worse than that was that they weren't even dating. The other boy didn't have slightest inkling about his feelings for him. Thus, Makoto had no right to treat him like a lover.

"Yo, lad!" One of the frat boys called out to Makoto, "Why so down? Don't just stand there looking all glum. You should be enjoying yourself!"

Makoto smiled and replied, "Ah, well, there's this small issue I'm dealing with so I got a little distracted."

"Oh? Is it a girl?" The frat boy asked in an empathetic tone.

"Yeah, something like that."

The other boy laughed and put an arms around Makoto's shoulders, as if reassuring him. "Here, this will do you good," he said, handing Makoto a cup of...something. This wasn't beer for sure.

"What is it?" Makoto asked.

The boy laughed. "This ones reserved for those who are stressed out like you, man. It's vodka mixed with Dr. Pepper. Hopefully, you don't have a low tolerance. But just in case, there's more in the kitchen, next to the microwave." And with that, the other boy walked off.

Makoto looked into the direction Haru had walked in. He wanted to search for him. But instead, he braced himself and chugged the drink in one gulp. He then headed toward the kitchen, wanting to lose himself for once in his life.

* * *

><p>"Um, excuse me," Makoto snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a small voice calling out to him. Two young women looked at him. But only one of them spoke. "My friend noticed that your coffee was dripping. We were wondering if you're alright, sir."<p>

"Eh?" Makoto looked beneath him, and indeed some of the coffee he held in his hand had spilled. He had not been holding it the right way, so now it was lightly dripping. Luckily he did not stain his clothes, but now the floor was a mess. "Damn," he whispered to no one in particular. He grabbed some leftover napkins from Sosuke's side and immediately cleaned the mess.

He thanked the young ladies and flashed a warm smile at them. The two girls seemed flattered and walked off, glad that he was doing alright. Except...he wasn't alright.

Makoto looked at the clock again. It was 11:25.

_Maybe, he'll be back soon._ He thought futilely and looked back at the coffee in front of him. The ebony-colored liquid had already gone cold, the warm steam from three hours ago completely gone. The bitten pastry remained there, the words hanging on that single bite.

_I want you_.


	3. Unrequited Love III

He was dead drunk and still going at it. Makoto could faintly hear the numb voices of men cheering about as he chugged down another drink from the cheap plastic cup. His senses were heightened, but at the same time were dulled. He could hear everything, yet it sounded muffled. His nose caught a whiff of alcohol, testosterone and sweat. The smell was enough to get him high. He had to get out of there.

The drunk young man found himself outside, where everything was no less crazier than inside. Women were madly and erratically jumping into the pool with their tops off. Lusting men followed along, blindly jumping into the pool after them, drinks and everything. It was a sea of alcohol and people in there.

His feet unsteady and his sight failed him by the second, Makoto had to hold himself up with anything he could find. Eventually, he caught sight of Haru sitting there, just across from him next to the pool. Makoto's eyes widened at the sight. Haru was there. _Smiling_. He wasn't just smiling, he was smiling at someone else. He was talking to a guy and both seemed to be enjoying themselves. A lot.

Makoto felt disheartened. Why didn't he smile at him like that? Why was he so uptight nowadays? Did he hate him? Did he do something to anger him? Why was he acting so friendly toward someone else but not him?

It wasn't fair. Makoto loved him so much. So why was he talking to this man? WHY?!

He wasn't thinking straight, but Makoto staggered toward his direction, nearly stumbling inside the pool a couple of times.

When he had reached the dark haired boy and the other young man, Makoto saw him become quiet and look at him bitterly. Why? Why did he look at him like that?! All he ever wanted to do was love him. So...why?!

"I thought you said you didn't want to be here," Makoto slurred, "You seem to like this guy's company more than mine…" He didn't know what he was saying.

Haru narrowed his eyes.

"Um, Nanase-san…?" The boy looked at Haru questioningly.

"I can talk to whoever I want," Haru remarked, "What's your problem?"

Makoto couldn't stop himself. His voice was a pitch higher and slurred as he spoke, "You know you didn't have to come if you didn't want to! So why is he more fun than I am?"

At that, Haru seemed confused. "Huh?" Haru asked, "What are you going on about?"

Makoto couldn't stop himself. This was the first time he had spoken to Haru this way, "Why can't you be like that around me, huh, Haru?!"

"Like what? I don't understand…."

The other boy looked at them awkwardly.

"You never smile at me like that! Why?! Is my presence so bad that I can't even earn a smile from you?!" Haru was not seeing where he was going with this. In truth, he didn't either. But he kept going. "I have always accepted you as you are and I always try to understand you. But it's enough Haru! I've had enough."

"Makoto," Haru sighed, furrowing his eyebrows, "listen to me, you're drunk. You don't understand what you're saying, much less me. Come on, I'll take you home." He looked at the other boy, who was even more confused. "I'm sorry about this."

Makoto couldn't stand how calm he was being. Irate and furious, he tugged the blue-eyed boy's arm harshly. "Oi! Makoto, what are you…?" Haru cried out.

But Makoto couldn't stop. He was at his limit. He pulled Haru close to his face and spat right at him, "Maybe with this you'll finally get it!" Then he did it. He planted a rough kiss on the other boy's mouth.

It had been unpleasant.

Their teeth knocked against each other, their noses bumped violently. Haru tried to pull away from him, only to be held firmly by the taller man. Makoto couldn't help it anymore. He latched his tongue inside his mouth, and became frustrated when Haru tried to avoid contact with his tongue in every way possible. Makoto knew that once he opened his eyes, the other boy's eyes would be open widely, trembling and confused, maybe even angry. But at this moment in time he didn't care. That is, until the other boy bit down his tongue, stopping him from doing anything more.

Makoto retreated, noticing that some people had stopped to see the commotion. Haru looked at him in disbelief. Before he knew it, Makoto's senses were back. "Haru…" He began to apologize.

But the other boy took off, not wanting to put up with people's stares. Makoto staggered after him, his feet still unsteady. "Haru! Wait!" He cried after the other young man, who did not look back once.

When he had made it outside, he lost sight of him. Haru was nowhere to be found. Makoto staggered and stumbled and looked and regretted and vomited and felt like shit. How ironic that he had believed that partying would be a good thing for them. Now he didn't even want to think about anything. He just wanted Haru. That was all he wanted.

He somehow made it to his car. He pulled on the handle, but disappointed himself when the door wouldn't budge. He looked inside his bag, and was even more shocked when his keys were gone. It was then that he realized Haru probably took them. He probably didn't want him to drive drunk. Realizing this, Makoto began to laugh as he sank down next to his car, savoring the cool spring breeze at dawn.

* * *

><p>"Sosuke?" Makoto turned his body as he noticed a tall figure come inside the shop. The man wore a dark olive green jacket. But as he looked at him, Makoto realized that it wasn't him.<p>

The man stared at him quizzically, seeking for some answers as he looked at his face.

"I'm sorry," Makoto said, "I thought you were somebody else." He smiled apologetically and the man continued on, neither fazed nor irritated.

Makoto sighed again and looked up at the clock. It was 11:40. Only twenty minutes until the shop closed. Makoto looked outside and stared at a particular building. It was the apartment they lived in. Could it be that maybe he was in there waiting for him?

No. That wasn't right.

If that were the case, he would've looked for him. Or he would've called him. Makoto flipped the lid of his cellphone for the umpteenth time.

There were no new messages. No missed calls.

* * *

><p>It was five in the morning when Makoto somehow managed to get back to his apartment. Luckily he still had the keys to the place so at least he wasn't locked out of the apartment. When he came in, he found an unsurprisingly irritated Haru, who sat alone on a chair, gripping a warm cup of coffee in his hands. Beside him was an empty chair where he should've been sitting on. On the table was a cup of black coffee, fresh and warm.<p>

Makoto thought it was strange that Haru was drinking coffee since he didn't like it very much to begin with. He usually drank it when he was worried about something.

Haru took another sip from his coffee and looked at him from the corner of his eye. The coldness pierced right through Makoto. He slowly pieced together that he had done something regrettable.

"Haru..." He began.

But the other boy interrupted. "Welcome back," he said with no tinge of warmth in his voice, "I made you some coffee for your hangover."

Makoto wasn't going to deny it. His head hurt like hell. Unsure what else to say, he hesitantly took his spot next to Haru and held the coffee in his hands. It was warm. "Thank you," he barely managed to say it.

"It's nothing," Haru replied nonchalantly.

The two drank in silence, the tension between hem apparent. But Makoto Could hardly bring himself to speak.

"Um...Haru," Makoto began awkwardly.

But once again the other boy interrupted him. "Make sure you take a shower," Haru told him, "you reek of cigarettes and alcohol." The blue-eyed boy promptly arose from his seat and headed for the sink in the kitchen.

But Makoto knew what he was doing. He was trying to evade him. He always acted that way when he dealt with stress. But he couldn't let it go. Not anymore.

"Wait, haru!" Makoto cried after the other boy, who had no choice but to stop and look at him. When he finally had his attention, he spoke again, "Haru...did I do something strange?"

Haru gave him a long hard look. "You forced a kiss on me in front of a large crowd," he simply said.

"Eh?"

"You were acting strange," Haru continued calmly, "it's almost like you were...jealous or something."

"Ah," Makoto said, "that was..." He honestly had no idea what to say. His feelings were practically out there now.

Haru sighed and frowned. He didn't seem to be angry more than he seemed to be confused. He then said, "I'm only going to ask this once." He looked firmly at Makoto from that distance. "Are you...in love with me?"

Makoto froze. Unable to break the gaze between him and the other boy, he answered instinctively, "um no! It's not like that at all! I was just drunk and I wasn't exactly at my best."

"But you said you really wanted me to smile at you," Haru remarked, "and the way you talked to that guy...the way you..." He stopped right there and never continued afterward.

"Ah, Haru, don't worry about it. I was just...being an idiot. I had no right to talk to you that way, I'm sorry." Hearing himself deny his own feelings was like stabbing his own heart repeatedly, but he knew he couldn't say anything. He didn't want to lose the little he had of Haru.

"I...I'm also sorry," Haru said, "I wasn't exactly making it easier on you. I know you wanted to help me feel better, but I was too irritated to see that. And I took your keys...I didn't want you to drive drunk."

It was during these times that Makoto reconciled why he loved him so much. But it was also during these times that he had a harder time holding back his feelings. But Maybe it was okay now. Maybe he wouldn't reject him. Maybe he would even accept him. "Haru..." He began to say, but Haru interrupted him.

"I needed to tell you something," Haru said, "I owe you an explanation about last night...why I acted that way."

Makoto decided he could wait. "Sure, go ahead."

Haru was very hesitant to speak, but finally, he spoke up. "It's just that," he said, "I've been seeing someone for a while. And I'm madly in love with her..."

Makoto did not hear the rest of that sentence.

All he got was something about having a fight with _her_.

And something about not understanding _her_ sometimes.

And something about loving _her_ regardless of the issues they run into.

_Her_. Her...


	4. Unrequited Love IV

"Um, excuse me," the waitress from before lightly patted Makoto's back.

Makoto nearly jumped, completely taken aback by the touch. He shook over his now empty cup of coffee and was thankful that he had drank it all. Finally regaining his composure, he looked up at the concerned waitress. For a split second, he had hoped that it would have been Sosuke. But of course, it wasn't him. That soft, small hand did not resemble Sosuke's rough hand which would've gripped his shoulder. Sosuke wasn't fond of patting or touching people in general. But when he touched, boy did he touch. It was an out-of-this-world feeling, something that didn't exude out of this sweet girl's hand. But if he had to be perfectly honest, Makoto found her touch a lot more comforting than the uncertainty he felt this past four hours.

Clearing his mind of these thoughts, Makoto looked at the waitress and asked, "Is it already closing time?" Asking this question felt strange for some reason. He felt as if he were surrendering to something. As if he had finally lost and resigned to his fate. As if walking out of this café would mean the end of it all even though he knew Sosuke could just go back to the apartment and meet him there. If so, why did he feel as if he had lost? Why did he feel so miserable and sluggish even as he sat on his seat?

"I'm afraid so dear," the waitress replied kindly, "you can come back tomorrow."

Makoto looked about and saw that the rest of the customers were already gone. The place was completely empty save for a few employees finishing up for the night, ready to go home after a long day's work. Makoto looked around the now unoccupied chairs and sofas and loveseats. At what point had everyone left? He didn't know. Had he been so worried and lost in his own world that he failed to notice the remainder of the time left to close the café? Had he really not noticed each person stride past him and open the door? Did he not feel the chilliness of the wind and snow as they made their way inside that small gap? He truly was hopeless wasn't he?

Sighing, he promptly arose from his seat. The waitress asked, "Would you like a cup holder and your pastry wrapped?"

"My…?" And then he remembered. She was talking about Sosuke's order. Makoto glanced at the pastry and replied, "No, that won't be necessary."

He took his empty cup of coffee and grabbed Sosuke's as well. "Goodnight sir!" The young waitress called out as Makoto sauntered past her.

Makoto looked back and flashed her a sad smile. "Goodnight," he simply replied as he headed for the door. He passed by the trash bin next to the entrance, where he dumped everything. His empty cup. Sosuke's black coffee which was cold and still filled to the rim. And finally, he tossed in the bitten pastry, which Sosuke did not even get to enjoy one bit. Makoto did not even hesitate as he dumped everything inside and finally walked out of there for good.

And yet he couldn't help thinking. He couldn't stop thinking about that single bite he took out of that pastry. The words that hung from that bite remained, even as they were left in the trash.

_I want you..._

The lonely words echoed in his mind as he walked back home.

* * *

><p>Makoto was not the least bit surprised when he inserted the key inside the keyhole and found himself inside a cold and empty apartment. The only light he could see was that of the moonlight touching the white blinds on the windows.<p>

He carefully ventured inside his dark home, as if not recognizing it for the first time in his life. After some struggling, he finally turned on the light and immediately the apartment was more alive with the lights on. But that hardly mattered.

Sosuke wasn't back yet.

Unable to help it, Makoto glanced at the clock hanging from the visible kitchen. It was 12:13 am. How slow had he walked? It was so unlike him to get home in that amount of time considering that the café was about a block away. But if he had to be completely honest with himself, he had hoped that somewhere along the way, he would have seen him. Perhaps just outside the shop. Or on the other side of the street as Makoto crossed it. Or in the foyer of the building. Maybe on the elevator where they had done questionable deeds before. Anywhere. Anywhere would've been fine. Even if the location didn't seem fateful like in American films, it all summed up to the single fact that he wanted to see him. That was all.

But in the end, Makoto made it back alone with no Sosuke to be found anywhere. Realizing this, Makoto sighed as if his a heavy burden rested deep inside his chest. He wondered if this was how Atlas felt carrying the weight of the world. But then he smiled and shook his head. _No, nothing can possibly compete with that, _he thought a little bitterly.

He removed his jacket and tossed it onto the nearby couch. The coldness of this apartment was suffocating him, he wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower. And then, suddenly, as he strode past the couch, he paused, a distant thought crossing his mind. He stared at the pearl-colored couch beside him.

Right there.

He should've been making love to Sosuke right on this couch. He should've been the one to be kissing him passionately, pulling his cap off while wildly stroking his hair. He would've forcibly and impatiently taken off every article of clothing he wore, all to indulge his sense of sight. And Sosuke would have been doing the same. He would've half-carried, half-dragged him to the couch because the bed was too far. If it were up to him, he wouldn't even bother taking off their clothes, only whatever was necessary. But he knew Makoto didn't like that, so he would put up with the chilliness until their hot bodies became their source of warmth. At least, that was how they should've been at this moment.

And yet they were not.

As if remembering something, Makoto took out his cellphone from his pocket and once again checked for messages. Nothing. Still nothing. Feeling cold and weary, Makoto shut his eyes, shaking off the distant thought. Instead he headed for the shower, not caring where his clothes landed as he yanked them off while simultaneously heading for the bathroom.

He was greeted by a colder atmosphere even as he turned on the lights. He was surrounded by white tiles everywhere. This room was too bright and cold. He simply wanted to get this shower out of the way so he could burrow himself in his bed.

The steel handle screeched as Makoto turned it, the hot dribbles of water finally dropping onto the moist tub. Makoto's body cringed initially as the hot droplets ravaged his freezing skin. But as his body was sprinkled by the piercing dribbles of hot water, Makoto couldn't help but think, the steam floating about him.

Why was he...feeling like this? Why did he feel so much dread in one night? Why did everything he felt about Sosuke seem to crumble in a matter of minutes? Why? Why did he run after Rin? Why was he not back yet? At least...why didn't he call him? Was he still having sex with Rin in some cheap hotel downtown?

But he couldn't complain, could he? After all, he knew from the beginning that Sosuke's heart belonged to someone else. He understood better than anybody the pain of being persistently in love with someone. Albeit his feelings didn't really count because...he never told Haru how he felt about him. In the end, his feelings could not even compare to Sosuke's feelings for Rin, whom he had dated for a long time. He knew this.

And yet...

Makoto thought that for once, Sosuke's heart belonged to him. Or the possibility that it _could_ belong to him. Even for just a moment. At least, he thought that a small moment would have sufficed. It should've been sufficient right? Sosuke remembered what his favorite pastries were on certain days. He took the time to listen to him and laugh at his poorly executed jokes. He was there every morning, sleeping right beside him. What more did he need? His heart? His heart would never belong to him, even though Makoto had already given him his. Sosuke knew this.

In reality, it should never have been that way. Sosuke should've never been doing these things for Makoto.

He shouldn't have had to remember his favorite pastries. He was never supposed to go out with him on dates and drink black brewed coffee whenever they had the chance. He didn't have to wake up beside him. Their intention had never been to make love every night.

It was only supposed to last one night. Just one night.


	5. Unrequited Love V

Makoto didn't remember what the first thing he noticed about Sosuke Yamazaki was. In truth, he probably didn't notice anything until after they had sex for the first time. Anything else before that was a blur. But if there was something he did notice about him it was this simple truth.

He was just as broken as he was.

Makoto had been sitting at a bar, drinking a plain jar of beer which was, of course, accompanied by at least three other now-empty jugs. In truth, he wasn't much of a drinker, but tonight he was already on his fourth round. For some reason, alcohol seemed to taste good nowadays. As Makoto gulped the last drop of beer in his glass, he looked at the card in front of him. He wondered how the amber liquid had no landed on it yet. It was almost like the card was taunting him, refusing to be tainted by every miserable drop that came from his jug. If he wanted to stain it he would have to pour directly on it. At least, that was what his drunken mind dictated. The card was pearl white with fine pristine silver letters embroidered. In the center there was a phrase with two very familiar names enlarged to emphasize them.

_Bride and Groom. _

_Haruka Nanase and…_

That's right. Now Makoto remembered why he was drowning himself with alcohol. His best friend, the man he loved for so long, was getting married. He was getting married to the love of _his _life. At that Makoto found himself chuckling. Life was pretty amazing. He remembered a time when Haru did not think of such things like love or marriage or women. He never thought about girls much less dated them. He had only cared about water and swimming and being free. At some point, Makoto never thought of the possibility that Haru would finally fall in love with someone.

Much less a girl.

But now, Makoto didn't even want to read her name. Just reading it was painful enough. Tossing the paper aside, he turned to the bartender and ordered another drink. The bartender eyed him concerned, but he poured another round anyway. Before he could take in another mouthful of beer, a puff of smoke seeped inside his nostrils, making him cough. He hated the smell of cigarettes. He really couldn't stand it. But then again, he wasn't much of an example since he was drinking all this alcohol with no restraint whatsoever. Still, he couldn't help but turn to look at the smoker beside him.

There he sat. One stool between them. The man he now knew as Sosuke Yamazaki. But at the time he didn't know him and didn't have much interest in getting to know him. If he wouldn't have looked, he would've probably gone his whole life not knowing his name. Not knowing him. But there he sat with a cigarette stuck between his fleshy lips. He didn't notice him much at first, but when he did, all Makoto noticed was the pair of teal eyes which stood out majestically. Perhaps that was the first thing he noticed after all.

The next thing he remembered about him was his furrowed eyebrows, as if he was fed up with life. It was exactly how Makoto felt at the time. That was how he knew that he was just as broken as he was.

Perhaps Makoto had been staring for too long, since the stranger with the cigarette was also looking back at him and frowned more upon his intrusion. "Need something?" That was the first thing Sosuke had said to Makoto.

Makoto lost his voice for a second and he began to stammer. His piercing gaze was a little overwhelming in his slightly drunk state. The man held out his pack of cigarettes. Makoto only stared confused, not getting at what he was doing. Sosuke rolled his eyes at him and asked, his cigarette resting between his lips, "You want one?"

"I don't smoke," Makoto replied promptly, "Thank you anyway."

He put the pack inside a breast pocket on his jean-textured jacket. He then turned away from Makoto who went about his business, which consisted of drinking until he lost all sense and rationality. So he drank and drank and he thought and he grieved silently and he dwelled in self-pity and he continued to drink that beer.

At some point, he felt an ominous presence. As if he was being watched. He turned his head slightly and found the same man looking at him from the corner of his eye, the butt of his cigarette was almost nothing but ashes now. It lit up as its consumer sucked another puff of smoke. Makoto watched as he softly blew the nicotine stench smoke. Even though Makoto made it clear with his eyes that he didn't want anyone in his business, the other man continued to look at him. And it irritated Makoto.

"Do you need something?" Makoto asked the same question he had asked him earlier.

The man shrugged and looked away at first, releasing yet another huff of smoke. "No," he surprisingly said, "That's a lot of jugs though."

Makoto looked at the empty jugs next to him. There were four of them and he was working his fifth one. These weren't small jugs either. He wondered how he wasn't drunk or passing out yet. For some reason, Makoto chuckled a little. He was not going to respond, but in the end he did, "I guess it's all for the sake of celebrating." He didn't understand why he suddenly said this, but he did anyway.

"Celebrating what?" The man asked.

"Well, the love of my life is getting married," Makoto replied, his speech slightly slurred, "It's something worth celebrating you know." He held his half-empty jug in the air as if toasting with the man who had but a measly cup of sake. Without waiting for his response, Makoto gulped the rest of the liquid.

It was then that the man looked over and noticed the pearly white card. He read it, eyebrows knit together. "So she's the love of your life?" He asked.

Makoto almost burst out laughing. "Tch," He chuckled, "No, not her. The lovely name beside hers. Haru. He's the love of my life."

The man looked over at him, seeming to be confused or at least contemplative. Makoto smiled and realizing that not everyone is gay, replied, "Ah, you probably don't like homos, huh? Don't worry, I won't do anything weird…."

The other man simply looked at him and replied, "I haven't said anything."

It was a little shocking to hear that, but Makoto felt relieved. And at the same time, he felt empty. So empty that none of these jugs could possibly fill the void he felt in his heart. He didn't know why he told such a stranger about Haru. But he did. He was probably embarrassing himself, wasn't he? Makoto sighed deeply and began to take out some yen to pay for the drinks. Regaining some of your senses was such a bitch.

As he dug for the money in his wallet, he heard a dull beep ring next to him. It was probably that man's cellphone. The man picked up and answered after sighing deeply, sorrowfully.

"Hey," he simply said, his voice completely hollow.

Makoto couldn't help but listen to his conversation.

"I told you not to call me anymore," he spoke quietly and solemnly, as if trying to be strong. There was a pause and the man sighed. "You know I won't go," he replied, "I can't...we can't keep doing this to ourselves. Just stop."

Was it his girlfriend or something?

There was another pause and the man shook his head, as if his energy was being drained by that one phone call. "Baby…" He immediately took back what he said, clearly he wasn't used to being alone yet, "I want you to take care of yourself, okay? Don't hurt yourself anymore. I'm begging you."

He rubbed away the focused frown from his face and patiently waited as the other party spoke. Finally, he said, "No, Rin. I'm not coming back. This is much more than I can handle...what?" He seemed to show more signs of anger as he asked that question.

He then dismounted the stool and hastily left some money on the counter. He said in a pained tone as he walked toward the exit, "No, I don't hate you! That's not it…." Makoto heard the chime of a bell as the stranger opened and allowed the door to close by itself. Makoto didn't hear the rest of the conversation, but from the looks of it, he could see that it was a private matter. A very painful one. _He must have it worse than me, huh?_ Makoto thought, _it's not like I ever dated Haru or anything. My feelings don't really count, do they?_

He left the money on the counter, unsure if he had counted correctly.

As he dismounted the stool, he became aware of how drunk he was. He could barely walk straight, but at least he wasn't stumbling every other step. The bartender noticed and asked him, "Sir, do you need any help?"

Makoto smiled and replied, "Nah, I live on the apartments nearby...they're one block away." Without waiting for any replies or objections, Makoto opened the door and was greeted by a gush of wind carrying snow. It was terribly cold. That's right, the news had announced a snowstorm today. Makoto began walking into the darkness, vaguely aware of his surroundings, until he heard a familiar voice.

"Just stop!" The voice belonged to the man from earlier, "Stop! I can't go back to you anymore! I can't! Goodbye…."

Makoto had said a name back then, although he did not hear what it was at first. He was too drunk to process the details. He walked across the empty street. It was a shocker since there were always cars going about or people. He glanced at his watch and could barely make out an eleven and a fifty-three.

It was 11:53 am.

Makoto glanced up and could see the top of the skyscraper. Somewhere in that building was his apartment. As he thought about this, he lost his footing and collapsed onto the icy, hard ground. "Ow...damn," he whispered, not proud of cursing. He tried to get up, although it was difficult because of the state he was in.

And then, he felt it. A firm, hard hand gripping his upper arm. That strong arm held him up and felt his arm being placed around someone's shoulders. Oh. It was him.

"I'm sorry…" Makoto slurred.

"Tch, what are you sorry for?" The same man asked, "Here, I'll get you a cab to take you home."

Makoto chuckled. "That's not necessary, I live right there," he said, "You don't have to...go that far for me, you know."

At that, the other man let out a bitter laugh. What a shocker. He made him laugh a little. "In the state you're in," He replied, "I wouldn't be surprised if you passed out halfway on the block. Where's your place at?"

Makoto told him where it was and the man helped him. He even held him up on the elevator. Finally, they had reached his floor and his apartment door.

Apartment 203. Hopefully this was the right number, since it was slightly blurred. To his luck, when Makoto inserted the key into the keyhole, the door opened up. When the man released his arm, Makoto said, "Um...thank you, for helping me. I probably would've passed out like you said." He laughed a little.

The man's expression was a little distorted but in the midst of his drunkenness, Makoto saw a small smile on the man's face. "No problem," He simply said.

He sunk his hands inside his pockets and began to walk away. As he sauntered down the hall, Makoto called him out reflexively, "Um...hey."

He turned around and looked at him. "What is it?" He asked.

"I think there's a blizzard going on outside and I'd feel pretty bad if you caught a cold or something," Makoto said, "You can call a cab and wait here until it arrives."

"Tch, you'd let a stranger in your house?" The man had a point.

"I'm too drunk to care right now," Makoto responded without thinking.

Once again, the man let out a sad laugh, as if his troubles had been lifted for just a moment. He then turned around and walked back toward Makoto's door. He stood in front of him and said, "Ok, I'm cool with that." He was very close, or maybe he was too drunk that the man's face was simply magnified.

Unsure of what he was doing, Makoto let him inside. The two set their shoes in the foyer. Makoto removed his jacket and placed it on the couch. Meanwhile, the other man was trying to dial a cab. "Hm," he said, "There's too much interference, I can't get a hold of anyone."

He replied, "Is that so? Here, maybe it will work with my phone." He handed him his telephone and the man thanked him. Makoto was still sluggish, but he managed to take out some non-alcoholic drink from the refrigerator for his guest. If he could call him that. Then he grabbed a beer for himself. He didn't feel drunk enough.

"Hmph. Nothing." He said after dialing a couple of times.

"That's odd," Makoto said, "I guess the storm must've gotten pretty bad huh?" He grabbed the remote and turned on the television.

"Well," the other said, "The wind was pretty strong when I brought you over."

Now what could they do? Makoto didn't want to just leave him out there. But having a stranger in his house for too long wasn't exactly the wisest course of action to take. The other man seemed to have noticed this. He spoke first, "Look, I'm gonna go now, I'll just catch the trains or something."

"Wait," Makoto said, glancing at the television screen. The news reporter talked about the weather. The trains were currently out of service due to the harsh weather. They would not work until the blizzard passed, possibly until morning.

Makoto glanced at the clock. It was 1:12 a.m. He definitely could not leave him out in the cold like this. Stranger or not.

"Um," he began, "I don't mind if you wait here until the storm passes. They pass fast anyway. Here." He sluggishly threw a can of cold coffee at him, which he barely caught.

"Thanks," the other man replied.

"Don't mention it...uh…"

"Yamazaki. Sosuke Yamazaki."

"Yamazaki-san," Makoto repeated, "I'm Tachibana. Makoto Tachibana."

* * *

><p>Makoto nearly gasped as he dropped the shampoo bottle. His thoughts had distracted him to that extent, apparently. When he finally focused, he realized that the room was completely white with steam. The water was too hot. Wrapping up the shower, he rinsed off his hair and body and finally shut off the water. The steam slowly evaporated and the coldness quickly enveloping his naked body.<p>

Makoto didn't bother to dry his damp hair. He simply wrapped a soft towel around his waist. As he stepped outside of the shower, he looked around but was only greeted by a dead silence. Sosuke wasn't back yet. It must've been almost 2 in the morning by now. He grabbed his cellphone and snapped the lid open. Still no messages or calls.

"Why do you have to be _that_ guy, Sosuke?" He wondered aloud, a sad smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Sosuke was _that _guy. The kind of guy who didn't text much or call much. The kind of guy who hardly left voicemails or called unless it was absolutely necessary. The kind of guy who would leave monosyllabic responses for every fifteen words Makoto texted him.

_K_.

_That's cool. _

_See you later. _

_Bye. _

_Morning. _

_Hey. _

_Haha. _

_It's fine. _

_Don't worry about it_.

Those were only a few examples Makoto could think up from the top of his head. He hesitantly clicked in the keyboard and looked for the contacts. He then scrolled down until he found who he was looking for. Sosuke. Staring at his contact picture, Makoto couldn't help but think that this picture had an interesting view. Sosuke was not very fond of taking pictures, so Makoto would sneak a peek at him whenever he lowered his guard. Which was hardly ever. One fateful day, however, as they hung out at the park on a bright day of spring, Makoto snapped a photo of him. It had been fatefully perfect. In the photo, Sosuke stared in the distance, the camera capturing his profile perfectly. A ray of light shone in the camera lens, giving it an unintended glowing effect. But what truly made it perfect was that in the distance, Makoto could distinctly see it. It was a hawk, soaring in the skies, just above Sosuke's head. When he told Sosuke about it, the ebony haired boy simply hmphed and allowed him to keep it if it meant that much to him.

Now seeing this picture, it didn't look as majestic as he did when he took it. Makoto selected Sosukes icon and initiated the call. Turning on the speaker, his hopes died out with every passing ring, until he heard s familiar voice...

_Sorry, I'm not available right now. Leave your name and number._

That voicemail was so like him. He tried again. And again. And one more time. All four times, he heard the same voicemail. Makoto nearly tried for a fifth time but he hesitated. Could he keep doing this? Was that really what he wanted? Makoto sighed deeply and instead headed for the room.

It may have been winter, but Makoto always wore whatever he felt comfortable in. He pulled on grey boxers and a simple dull teal shirt that fit nicely on his skin. And with only that, he sank under the covers and pulled them closer to his body, trying to shake off the thought that there was an empty space beside him.

He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. But his mind was racing, his heart pumping rapidly and his eyes simply wouldn't close. His body didn't feel tired even though his emotions were tiring him out little by little. He was only shocked that he was still hanging in there.

Makoto turned to look at the alarm clock beside him, the neon red numbers reading 2:03 am.


	6. Unrequited Love VI

**A/N:** NSFW. Sexual content ahead; you have been warned.

* * *

><p>At the time, Makoto had no idea how drunk he had been. Perhaps it had only slightly worn off. Perhaps he was so drunk that he couldn't even begin to tell the difference between being drunk or sober. What he did know was that the storm was so bad that the television screen was nothing but static now. The volume was so low, however, that it sounded like nothing but music to Makoto.<p>

"Aren't you going to turn it off?" Sosuke motioned at the blinking television.

For some reason, Makoto chuckled. "Nah," he said, "I like how it sounds."

For the third time this night, he made Sosuke laugh a little. "You're quite something," he simply said.

Makoto only chuckled, feeling like an idiot. He grabbed his almost-hollow can of beer and drank the remnants of it. He had not planned to drink more knowing that he had a stranger in his house. And yet he kept drinking, albeit it wasn't like he had a twelve-pack of beer or anything. He had about three cans inside his beer, which he drank most of. Now he knew he wasn't as drunk as before and smiling like an idiot.

But he also knew that Sosuke was so close. And that they had been talking nonstop for almost two hours. Although he wasn't much of a talker, he did listen to whatever Makoto had to say and would mostly ask a question here and there.

Maybe he was slightly sober now. He didn't know. But having him so close made him feel strangely energetic. His vision much clearer now, he began to notice some things he hadn't noticed earlier.

Like how his hair looked black, but in reality had a tinge of brown. How the color of his eyes seemed to change depending on the light. Sometimes they were teal, other times they looked green, and a few times they looked blue. It was like looking at a sea. He also had really long eyelashes. His lips were fleshy and wide. He probably had a gorgeous smile if he didn't make his smiles so small. And the way his Adam's apple slightly stuck out…Makoto gulped momentarily.

"What is it?" Sosuke spoke up, noticing everything because he flashed a teasing grin at him.

Makoto felt the blood rush to his cheeks. "Nothing."

"Still drunk?" Sosuke asked.

"Yeah," Makoto replied, breaking the gaze between them and shifting his position so it wasn't facing Sosuke directly.

It didn't go unnoticed by Sosuke. "Are you tired?"

Makoto tried to look him in the eye and lied, "Yes, I kind of am actually. I think we should go to sleep. I'll help set up the couch for you and I'll lend you some clothes. Follow me."

He got up a little too quickly, and his footing was slightly unsteady, but luckily Sosuke caught him before he fell completely. "Thanks," Makoto said, an electric sensation running through his body merely from that touch. _Stop...get your mind out of the gutter! Idiot!_ Makoto reprimanded himself, knowing exactly what was happening. The drunkenness was probably enough to confuse him easily. He sure as hell would not make a move on this stranger. After all, he was talking to his girlfriend (or perhaps ex-girlfriend) a while ago. This guy must be straight, he told himself.

Sosuke said nothing and followed along, entering Makoto's bedroom. Makoto grabbed some blankets from his closet and fetched some spare pajamas he kept in there. He handed them over to the other man. "Here you go," he said, "I hope they'll fit alright."

"Thanks," Sosuke replied, and to Makoto's surprise, he took off his jacket and began to strip off his clothing, right in front of him. It was so sudden that Makoto reacted a little too quickly. He turned around so as to not look at him. Once again, his odd behavior went noticed by the other man. "What's wrong? You've never changed in front of other guys?"

Makoto then quickly turned around and found himself staring at Sosuke, who had already slipped on the pants but was in the process of putting on the white shirt. Makoto could clearly see the firm mounds of muscle in his abdominals. His beautifully crafted pectorals. The refined oblique and biceps and triceps. The epitome of perfection. Makoto wanted to believe he was still drunk. He said hastily, "No, it's not that! I've been in the swim team before so I…."

"Then, what's the problem?"

Makoto didn't want to make the issue bigger. He turned around and began to slip out of his own sweater, just to prove that he was a man and that he could change in front of other men. Even though he knew he was lusting after this one. Stupid drunkenness. "Nothing, it just surprised me a little," he replied, hiding the faint blush in his cheeks. He felt slightly feverish.

As he slowly pulled up his sweater, his body completely froze when he felt a pair of large hands feel his nude torso. The fingers were still a little too cold for his warm torso which had just left its source of warmth. Nevertheless, his fingers were strong and reassuring as they dug lightly onto his skin, roughly…and decidedly. But there was enough sense in Makoto and he knew that whatever was going on at this moment in time, he should probably stop it. The fingers were already reaching the hem of his wool sweater.

Makoto's eyes widened, "What are you…? Yamazaki!"

In that moment, Sosuke pulled his body closer to his. Makoto gasped, feeling his bare skin against his back. He wasn't wearing the shirt. In any case, his grip on his was so tight that Makoto didn't dare move. Perhaps a small part of him didn't want to move. Makoto turned his face over his shoulder to look at the other boy's face. He stared at him firmly, intently. Deliciously. Makoto lowered his arms, which were still in the process of taking off his own shirt. But now with Sosuke gripping his torso, he had no idea what to do. He could start with telling him to stop. "Yamazaki," He coaxed too weakly, "stop it…what are you do…?"

But suddenly, Sosuke spoke up, not loosening his grip at all. "Did you forget what you told me back at the bar?" He whispered in his ear sensually, his nose lightly whiffing his hair.

Makoto froze, not remembering one bit. More than that, the way he whispered in his ear and the way his nose dug around his hair was too much. It was almost too easy to turn him off. He already felt his crotch going slightly hard. Nevertheless, he managed to gasp, "About what?! Let me go…."

"The love of your life...was a guy. You said you're gay."

Now Makoto remembered. His entire body froze and he felt embarrassed.

"Are you acting like this," Sosuke continued, "because you're afraid of having ulterior motives toward me?"

The tips of his fingers gently teased Makoto's skin. That in itself was so sensual, Makoto felt his body tremble under his light touch. It had been such a long time since somebody touched him like that. And none of those touches compared to this one.

"Hah…" He sighed lightly, "...I…hah."

Makoto didn't even begin to formulate a response when Sosuke suddenly pulled him down with him into a sitting position onto the bed. This time, Makoto had no time to process anything, because the other man's nose felt at the side of his neck. His warm huffs of breath on the skin of his neck were enough to stir Makoto's mind and body. The tightness between them wasn't tight enough; Sosuke pressed Makoto's body closer to his. Makoto could feel the other man's skin even more now. His hot muscles, each individual mound of muscle on his abs and his nipples. Everything just made him more hard. _What am I doing?_ Makoto tried to bring some sense into this situation, but the situation itself kept reason out from his mind. All he wanted was pleasure. Stupid drunkenness.

The more he lost his reason, the more he felt Sosuke's hands as they moved from his oblique to touch his abdominals. Sosuke's fingers lightly traced each mound of muscle on Makoto's stomach, slowly, gently elevating them toward the hem of his shirt which still covered his pectorals.

"Yamazaki…" Makoto wanted to tell him to stop, "Hn!" He didn't finish his sentence when the other man lashed his tongue and traced it over the side of his neck. The warmth and moistness of his tongue _felt so good!_

And yet….they were strangers, for goodness sake!

No matter how good this felt, it was...unexpected. But Sosuke didn't respond at first. He merely played with the hem of his shirt, threatening to play with his chest and his nipples. He bit at the hem of his shirt and pulled it up, softly, slowly, making Makoto feel more and more impatient. _Just hurry…hurry_, Makoto thought, his own sense of reason replaced with impatience and an unreasonable desire.

"Hurr…y…." He managed to gasp out, closing his eyes to heighten his other senses. He wanted to feel him desperately, to hear his sensually deep voice, and to intoxicate himself with the faint cologne that resided on his body. His touch was something out of this world, something reason itself was too weak to resist. Humans truly are weak aren't they? That was the last reasonable thought he had before losing himself to this desire.

"Oh?" Makoto heard his teasing voice, "I thought you said you wanted to stop. You're not very consistent, you know."

He traced his tongue over his nape. Makoto felt his body tremble under that moist sensation, but he didn't open his eyes. This sensation was _so good_. "Ngh!" Makoto sighed, trying to keep his voice under control despite knowing that it was futile. "I…take…off…."

Sosuke did the opposite of what he was asking for and removed his fingers from the hem of his shirt. However, he did something more daring. "I don't understand what you mean," he said, "You should be clearer."

"Ah!" Makoto quickly covered his mouth when he felt something knead his nipples. The act had left him so surprised, his eyes snapped open. Embarrassed and unsure how to talk anymore, Makoto gulped tried to say something more concrete. "Take it…off!" He almost cried out impatiently. But it was desperate enough that he could almost _feel_ the other man smile behind him. Sosuke stopped kneading his nipples momentarily and helped him remove his shirt completely tossing it aside immediately.

Completely bare from his upper body, Makoto could feel a faint chill envelope his body, until a large arm sneaked under his arm and continued where he left off…to tease his nipple. Makoto, more out of instinct than disgust, weakly caught that hand, albeit he only left it there. Sosuke kept kneading his nipple, Makoto could only feel it becoming stiffer and redder under his large thumb.

"Yama…." He sighed weakly, unsure what he wanted to say next. Instead he closed his eyes again. But nor for very long.

To his shock, he felt his strong arm sneak under his armpit and his hand gently gripped his jaw. Unsure of what he was doing, Makoto's eyes flew open again as the other man turned his face toward him. Makoto's gaze was met with the other man's gaze. Not a second passed before Sosuke closed the gap between their lips, forcefully and gracefully lashing his tongue inside the bedazzled man's mouth. It was nothing but bliss as Makoto felt his tongue envelop around his membrane.

"Mm…mn…" Makoto moaned blissfully as his tongue savored the other man's thick and moist tongue. His neck ached from the angle it was turned and the way Sosuke gripped his jaw, but he had no intention of stopping now.

As he was consumed by the kiss he shared with Sosuke, the other man suddenly squeezed his nipple between his thumb and his index. Makoto's face twisted into a pained grimace and he momentarily pulled his face away, suddenly unable to breathe properly. But Sosuke held his jaw firmly, not allow him to escape and devouring every inch of his mouth with his tongue. "Nn…o…." Makoto managed to blabber out a "no" which was nothing but futile.

Sosuke only pulled his face closer to his, intensifying their kiss. But he wasn't about to cut him some slack even though both were having trouble breathing at this point. A stream of saliva had begun to trail down the corners of their lips. As he devoured him with his kiss, Sosuke began to pull his nipple, which was starting to turn red. He pulled little by little, enticing his pain and, at the same time, watching his cock get harder, wanting to be released from within the fly of his jeans. At some point, he pulled hard enough to cause Makoto to yelp and finally break free of his iron grip.

Makoto pulled away from his grasp, his chest heaving wildly for air. Surprisingly, Sosuke was also gasping for air. For a moment, Makoto had expected that while he would be trying to catch his breath, the other man would be completely fine. But even he was worked up. When he was able to regain some composure, Makoto cried in a gasping voice, "that…hurts…." He coughed wildly before he could continue, "Why did you…do that?!"

But before he could demand anything else from him, the taller man threw himself at Makoto, pinning him onto the bed. "Yamazaki!" Makoto cried out with a frown on his face, "What the hell…?"

But in that moment, Sosuke planted another kiss on his lips. This time however, the kiss was not as forceful as the previous one. He still lashed out his tongue inside his mouth, but it was different. This was slightly gentler, more sensual and it aroused Makoto so much that he could only feel his cock getting harder by the second. As he kissed him, Makoto moaned softly. As if acting on their own, his fingers found their way onto Sosuke's and was surprised when their fingers intertwined so naturally.

At the last second, Makoto felt Sosuke's tongue depart from his mouth, lightly licking his lower lip like a piece of candy. To his shock, Makoto found himself raising his face clearly wanting more and more of him. His hands still gripped his tightly. His knee rested on the space between Makoto's legs, just beneath his crotch, which only begged to be released from his pants.

The saliva trailed along his jaw and chin. Makoto looked up at the other man, his cheeks completely flushed, and his chest heaving from the pain of wanting to release his erection. But Sosuke did nothing for a while. They merely watched each other, the intimacy they shared with their eyes a lot more intense and frightening than what they had been doing mere seconds ago. His furrowed eyebrows above his majestic teal-colored pupils only made Makoto's eyebrows arch in trepidation. He wondered how he looked beneath this powerful adult male who had somehow pinned him down like a defenseless maiden. And in his own home, too. He probably looked pathetic. After all, he had probably shown this man more sides of him that he never intended to reveal to anyone else. Even Haru.

Not wanting to display his embarrassment or his erect manhood, Makoto looked away, closing his legs in a vain attempt to hide how much he was feeling it. But Sosuke forced his knee between his legs, touching the base of his crotch with his knee. "Look at you," he remarked in a teasing voice, "You're already hard from just this?" He nudged his knee deeper onto his crotch.

The act was so sensual that Makoto found himself shying away even more, hiding his face beneath the sheets as much as he could. This was truly embarrassing. Normally when he had sex with someone, they normally got over it quickly, whether he was top or bottom. He and his partners often finished quickly, without thinking or saying much about it.

But he didn't.

He teased him and only sought to explore his deepest secrets and insecurities, even though after tonight they would be nothing but strangers. What a lewd man, Makoto thought. And yet he was making him feel so much. They hadn't even gotten to the real thing yet. He truly was cruel.

After what seemed like an eternity, Sosuke finally spoke up, "You know, you've been saying this whole time that you want me to stop, but you're not even fighting me now. Why?"

Makoto opened his eyes slightly and contemplated what he said. He had a point. He may have been pinning him down, but it's not like he was gripping him that tightly. He was sure he could fight him off. And yet….

"I…" Makoto began, not sure what to say anymore.

"You what?" Sosuke demanded in a clear voice.

The truth was he wanted him _so_ badly. He didn't care who it was, he was so lonely and he was making feel so good that he truly did not care at this point who he was. But what would happen to him if he said that? Would this man laugh at him and then fuck him all night like a pitiful thing? He certainly had his share of partners like that. And from the looks of it, Sosuke had the potential of being just like them. Like men that fucked him for their pure amusement and perversion.

The more he stared back and the more he waited to formulate the right answer, Makoto felt more and more like laughing at himself. To hell with it all. Did it matter anymore? So what if he was one of those guys? So what if he fucked his guts out and left him stranded in the morning like the rest? He was making him feel good. All he wanted was to feel good. His manhood wanted some relief. He wanted to be wrecked all night long by this guy. He wanted to delve into self-pity. He wanted to pretend that the pearl-colored card and the bride and Haruka Nanase didn't exist for once. He wanted to forget for a second that he was a miserable human being who would never be with the man he loved. All in all, he just wanted to forget who he was, even for a mere five minutes. Five minutes would be enough. Just five minutes.

And then, Makoto's thoughts were disturbed when Sosuke raised his hand toward his face. Makoto trembled beneath him as he felt the man's finger trace over the corner of his eye. It was then that Makoto realized he was crying. Tears were running down the corner of his eyes and seeping down his temples. Sosuke didn't question it. It would've been so simple to say "you're crying" to break this awkward situation. But the other man didn't question it. He simply stared at him, his face completely devoid of emotion.

Makoto couldn't tell if he was annoyed or sorry or angry or anything that could be an emotion. Instead, he released his hands and sat up. Makoto felt the coldness seep into his empty hands as Sosuke pulled away from his grip. His entire body suddenly felt cold. His hardness went slightly limp, albeit it was still painful. Somehow unable to bear the cold sensation in his body, Makoto arose as well and looked to the other man, who sighed deeply as he rested his hands on his knees.

"You really are hurting, huh?" Sosuke said aloud, almost as if speaking to himself. Makoto, unsure how to respond to that, opened his mouth to say something. But the brown-haired man beat him to it, "I won't force you down anymore. If you want me to stop, I will stop and I will leave for good. But if you want me too, then I won't hold back."

Makoto looked at him and repeated, "'…want me too…'?"

Sosuke grinned at him and replied, "Earlier, you asked me why I did that. Well, I just want you."


	7. Unrequited Love VII

**A/N: **NSFW

* * *

><p>Makoto arched an eyebrow. "But you don't even know me," Makoto responded shyly, wondering if he had gone crazy.<p>

"Don't get the wrong idea," Sosuke replied firmly, hastily, "I am not in love with you. I just want you."

"Oh, I see," Makoto replied. He really wanted to fuck him, didn't he?

"But," Sosuke continued, "I will not do anything you don't want. I'm not that much an asshole, you know. But I am warning you, if you say you want me, I'm not holding back, and you can't take back your word."

At that Makoto began to laugh, feeling his muscles, which had been so tense earlier, relax along with the rest of his body and also his mind. Really…to hell with it all. He didn't feel so bad after all. If that was the case and he did sleep with him, he could ask for something right? And then in the morning, they would go their separate ways. No grudges or regrets between them. That was fine. He didn't mind if this guy broke him all night long. As long as he could fulfill just one request, he would be fine.

Sosuke only stared at him in disbelief, clearly unsure how to react. When Makoto calmed down, he wiped the rest of his tears and said, "I…I don't want to stop."

Sosuke's eyes widened momentarily.

"But there's one condition," Makoto continued, "Since we will be going our separate ways soon enough, I want you to do something for me."

Sosuke only stared at him, waiting for his request.

"Pretend you're in love with me. You can manage it, can't you?"

"That's…really vague, you know," Sosuke replied, Makoto noticed a faint blush on his cheeks, "H-how do I d-do that?"

Makoto couldn't believe it. He was stammering and blushing. Up to a few moments ago he was a scary alpha male towering over him and now he had no idea how to fulfill the one request he was asking from him. How…adorable. Makoto laughed and stated when the other scowled at him, "Okay, my bad. You could start by turning off the lights."

Sosuke immediately did so. Soon the room was overwhelmed by the darkness. Then there was a silence between them. Makoto then said, "Take off everything."

"Huh?" Sosuke replied.

"We're going to do it anyway," Makoto remarked, "I don't want to be the only one that is naked."

In the darkness, Makoto could see Sosuke pulling down the pajamas he had borrowed from him. Next he pulled down his tight boxers, and Makoto could faintly make out a bulge being released. "Tch…what's up with this request of yours anyway?" Sosuke asked, almost pouting.

Makoto decided to tease him, now the tables had turned and he had the upper hand. "What? Are you scared?" Makoto teased him.

And then, the other man flung himself at the other, trapping him in his embrace. Taken aback, Makoto could only stare into his overpowering gaze. "It's not easy to love someone you don't really love," he stated in a soft voice.

Those words were enough to pierce Makoto's chest. Suddenly, he felt guilty. He felt like the worst human being; as if he were forcing someone to do something horrible. But he had no time to dwell in his thoughts, as Sosuke grabbed his waist and began to pulls down his jeans. "If we're in love," he said, "You'd better be naked with me." His jeans came off and soon, his coal-colored boxers were off as well, his half-limp, half-erect manhood on display for the both to see.

"So," Sosuke broke the silence, "What else do you want me to do?"

But Makoto had no time to answer as the other man grabbed his cock without waiting for a reply. He then began to stroke his erect organ gently, his hand rhythmically moving up and down. Much too soon, Makoto was getting lost in the ecstasy. He had quickly lost the upper hand.

Sensing this, Sosuke leaned on his ear and whispered sensually, "Do you want me to say pretty words? Or do you prefer dirty talk?"

The strokes were too much for Makoto to bear. He could barely breathe, much less talk. Somehow able to recompose himself, Makoto barely replied, "…hah…I…want…loving words…ahh…and…kiss…."

"I see," Sosuke replied with a small grin, "In that case, I want to see you. _All_ of you."

Knowing exactly what he meant, Makoto nodded. He closed his eyes as if it had taken all his energy to say that broken sentence. He slightly leaned back, his weight resting on his arms, and spread out his legs more. In the darkness, Makoto could barely make out a hand jerking him off. He could feel his own liquid oozing out his dick. Feeling ashamed, he managed to gasp out, "I'm…ngh…so…rry…."

Sosuke kept jerking him off, gradually increasing the intensity of his strokes. "Why are you apologizing?" He asked, "Is it because of this?"

He suddenly stopped and held out his hand which was slightly covered in Makoto's pre-cum. And yet, Makoto didn't want him to stop. "Please…don't….st…" Makoto didn't even have to finish for Sosuke to get the hint. And yet… "Oh? Don't want me to stop?" He remarked in a teasing tone, "But what about me? What do I get in return?"

In the darkness, Makoto could see his grin. But he didn't care. He launched his arms around his neck and pulled him into a passionate kiss. He pulled his face closer, unleashing his own tongue inside his mouth, feeling every inch of it. As he pulled out his tongue, he gently tugged at his lower lip with his teeth and replied, "You can….have…my love…." In truth, he didn't know what he was saying. He was probably delusional. He wasn't thinking straight. After all, he only wanted to feel loved at least just this once. In that instant, Sosuke brought his face closer and the two kissed again, passionately, ardently, as if their faces could melt from just this. Instinctively, Sosuke intensified the force in his strokes, rapidly bringing the other man to a climax.

In the midst of their intense acts, Makoto began to sway, as if feeling lightheaded. He broke the kiss in order to breathe. Sosuke, not wanting to stop the contact between them, lipped his chin and his jaw. Then he licked the drool that trailed down his chin. Makoto gasped and cried out, "Yama…zaki…san…I…my…lim…."

Sosuke only urged him to climax and whispered sensually once again, "Remember…I'm Sosuke…you're Makoto…."

"Ah…ngh…yes…" Makoto said with a gentle, weary smile, "Sosuke….ack!"

Sosuke pulled harder and faster. He closed his eyes shut as he saw his own cock rising. Makoto grit his teeth and attempted to control his voice, until he came to a climax, the white, oozing liquid landing on Sosuke's bare stomach.

"…ah…hah…so…sorry…." Makoto said apologetically, but was abruptly cut off by the other as he pushed him down with a kiss.

Makoto lay prostrate, his arms sprawled above him as Sosuke kissed him intently. His body rested above his, the stickiness on his stomach rubbing on his. Unsure where else to put them, Makoto flailed them until they found Sosuke's neck and rested there. Sosuke's hand desperately searched something to grab. It found Makoto's thigh and Sosuke allowed his hand to caress it. His firm had travelled up his thigh until it found his soft buttock, which he squeezed firmly.

"Mn…" Makoto moaned between kisses, "Sosu…ke…?"

But it was as if he had lost him to the ecstasy, because Sosuke bit at his lips and his chin and his Adam's apple, as if devouring him were enough to satisfy his desire.

"Can we…under…the…covers?" Makoto pleaded gently, enticingly.

Sosuke momentarily rolled his eyes, but his sexual and sweet voice was enough to make him comply. It would probably be a little harder this way, but not that much. However, he felt hotter now. The tucked themselves under the covers, pulling them off loose enough for Sosuke to be able to move. They continued where they left off, making out to their heart's content, until Sosuke spoke up and asked, "Do you…have any lube…?"

It took a moment for Makoto to catch his breath again and replied, "…no…."

"Huh?" Sosuke asked dumbfounded, "But…why would you….?"

Makoto covered his eyes momentarily and chuckled. "I," He began, "don't have sex frequently. You're the first person I've brought to my own house. Normally I just go to love hotels or something."

"I see," Sosuke replied, "but…it might be harder on you, though."

Makoto chuckled again, looking as if this pain was nothing compared to other pains. "Sosuke," He said, "I…want you…soon."

Understanding what he meant, Sosuke leaned in for another kiss, albeit this was softer, gentler. Makoto almost believed for a second that this man truly did love him.

After Sosuke pulled away, he momentarily pulled off the covers, revealing a naked Makoto which he had not bothered to admire from such closeness. Already was the emerald-eyed boy clutching at the blanket beneath him, readying himself for what came next. Sosuke didn't hesitate to open his legs widely, revealing all of him.

"Are you ready?" Sosuke asked concerned. Makoto simply nodded, closing his eyes.

Sosuke, not wanting him to feel so tense, attempted to relax him. He brought his finger closer to his asshole, tracing over it but not directly touching it, leaving the sensation of his finger. As expected, Makoto squirmed lightly, impatiently, wanting more of him. Sosuke continued the same treatment, until finally, he finally touched his narrow hole and dug his finger inside him.

"Ah!" Makoto gasped loudly, covering his mouth soon after, "it…hurt…s…."

But Sosuke didn't say anything. He merely fingered the other man, stretching out his insides little by little, so he wouldn't be so hurt when he finally took him in. He rubbed inside his tight hole, feeling the other man squirm painfully but gradually feeling him relax under his touch. He brought in another finger and continued the same process.

"Ah…hah…So…suke…hurts…." Makoto said, hand over mouth and tears threatening to spill.

"Let your voice out, you'll feel better," Sosuke replied, stretching out his asshole as much as he could.

"Ah…hah…hah…." Makoto's sighs became tamer and less painful. His body was finally getting used to it.

Sosuke promptly took out his fingers and Makoto finally decided to look at him. Sosuke grinned down at him and brought the fingers to his mouth, licking them off enticingly. Makoto stated embarrassed, "Sosuke…you don't have to do that!"

But Sosuke only replied, "Why not? Because it came from you?"

"Uh…" Makoto began.

"That doesn't matter," he continued, "I may not be able to love you properly like you want me to. But I do know that part of loving someone is accepting them, even if they think a part of them is disgusting."

Makoto wasn't sure why, but he thought that—in the darkness—he could sense the sadness oozing out of those words. Completely speechless and overcome by his wisdom, Makoto nearly gasped in surprise as Sosuke pulled the covers over them once more and whispered, "I'm not stopping, are you ready?"

Makoto gripped the sheets tightly and nodded. To his surprise, Sosuke searched for his fingers and intertwined them with his. The feeling was reassuring. He felt ready for anything. Makoto felt his legs widen as Sosuke pushed his erect cock inside him. It was still as painful as he had anticipated. Makoto cried out, his clutch tightening and his face twisting to a grimace. "Ah!" He cried out.

"Are you okay? Does it hurt?" Sosuke asked. He remained there for a while, allowing Makoto to get used to it.

"I'm fine…" Makoto replied, "…but…."

For some reason, he still had one more doubt. Wasn't he…straight? It was a pointless doubt. It wasn't like he had a right to know. But in the end he asked anyway, "Sosuke...the person you were talking to...wasn't that your…?"

Sosuke paused momentarily and responded, "That was my ex-boyfriend."

So that was how it was. His ex-boyfriend. Without a warning, Sosuke began to move, thrusting deep inside Makoto, trying not to wreck him but wrecking him anyway. Makoto futilely tried to keep his voice down, but it wasn't enough. He was still loud. But it was painful, it couldn't be helped.

But in the midst on his thrusts and passion, Makoto blurted out almost unconsciously, "…Why….ch…ose…me…?"

At that Sosuke slowed his thrusts to a halt. "What?" He asked.

This time, Makoto was able to say properly, "Why…did you…choose me?"

At that, Sosuke didn't say anything. He merely stared at him, his eyes weren't angry or annoyed. They reflected something more intimate. Sorrow. They stared deep into his with the equal sorrow that Makoto felt. Makoto could recognize that sight anywhere. He saw it in himself every morning in the mirror before leaving to fulfill his responsibilities. This was the kind of sight that the two could understand. There was no denying that. Finally, the other man cleared his throat and replied to his question.

"Because you're like me."

* * *

><p>Makoto pushed away the covers. He couldn't stand these thoughts anymore! He couldn't stand that memory. Why? Why of all times, did he summon that memory? The first time they had sex together. Why was he remembering this now?! And then he realized. That one night stand…predicted the whole outcome of this relationship didn't it?<p>

At that time, there was no love. Simply sex. Sosuke wasn't in love with him. The truth was he probably wasn't in love with him even now. Yes, that made sense. He got up from bed, his body quickly enveloped by the cold. He wasn't back yet, was he?

Would he ever be back? Makoto knew that he would. Sosuke wasn't the kind of man to break his promises or leave anyone in the dark. But he also knew he was the kind of man that could fulfill his promises while being completely detached. If that was the case, how much of what he ever said or felt for him was true?

How much of his love still belonged to Rin? Makoto didn't want to think about this anymore. He knew that his heart belonged to Rin, but he couldn't accept that anymore. He felt disgusted with himself for thinking like this. But he was at his limit.

Makoto glanced at the alarm clock and, unable to help himself, yanked it out erratically. The neon numbers remained frozen against the screen of the broken alarm. The time read 2:42 am.

He was sick of time. He was tired of waiting. He was done. He turned on the light and frantically opened the closet, where he pulled out a large suitcase and began to pull out the clothing out of the closet where he and Sosuke learned to share. Just like everything. Their home, their bed, the bath, their time, their emotions.

But was that also a lie? Everything they shared together…was that also a lie?

Makoto hesitated and pondered the question. If the memory of Haru was enough to make him fall apart, and if the sight of Rin was enough to make Sosuke run after him then...their feelings were nothing but a lie. It was the reality. On those terms, Makoto kept pulling out his clothes out of the closet. The memories came back in waves as he pulled every shirt and every article of clothing from the hangers.

In the midst of his frantic actions, he heard a distinct sound in the silence. It was a door opening. As Makoto held his shirt, he began to feel a little ridiculous. Suddenly, the door to the bedroom opened.

A large body stepped inside, Makoto recognized him right away. It was Sosuke. Sosuke didn't have time to ponder what he was doing. He merely stared at him and said gently as he walked closer to him, "Makoto, what are you doing?"

But Makoto did something he never thought he would do. "Don't come any closer!" He snapped back at him, taking a step back from the man he thought he knew.

* * *

><p><strong>End of Part One: Unrequited Love<strong>


End file.
